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+---
+title: Give In to Feel Good
+date: 2020-08-16
+excerpt: Procrastination isn’t just about laziness, is it?
+categories: ["procrastination", "mental health"]
+---
+
+Procrastination is something I struggle with every single day. I find it often strikes as critical thoughts:
+
+- This will turn out horribly, better to not even start.
+- This will take forever to learn, why not do something fun?
+- Practicing is so boring and hard, let’s do something easier.
+
+I used to think that procrastination was because of sloth, or laziness. Now I realize it’s different — it’s negative emotions. Procrastination is how one manages these negative emotions.
+
+The thoughts I get all the time are like a form of anxiety. I don’t cope well with these emotions. My natural response is to give in now to feel good. I’d rather reward myself over the short-term rather than the long-term. I know that the long-term reward is what I want, and yet I find myself going after the short-term reward instead. It feels good immediately.
+
+[This thread on Hacker News](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24120275) prompted my journey into my own procrastination, and [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhFQA998WiA) from the thread helped me look at procrastination in a different way. This was a lightbulb moment for me. To me my source of procrastination is not myself being lazy or uninterested, but being critical. I’m a perfectionist (and I’ve come to realize I don’t like that), and I am plagued by reasons I shouldn’t start a task. This helps me at least identify the problem.
+
+TODO: YouTube shortcode: mhFQA998WiA
+
+I have some actionable goals that I want to try:
+
+1. Break any prospective task into a concrete goal. “Work on a blog post” is vague and hard to measure, but “write a paragraph about procrastination” is more structured and easy to track.
+2. Remind myself of the feeling I get when I accomplish a task. It might feel good to give in right away, but remember the feeling of sitting down and doing the work and feeling great afterward. Use that as a form of motivation.
+3. Don’t forget what my long-term goal is with a given task. For example, practicing anatomy in drawing is working toward a long-term goal of being able to draw from imagination.
+4. Taking a deliberately sloppy start to “get momentum going” is better than doing nothing at all. If the sloppy start doesn’t go anywhere — well, at least I gave it an honest effort. Try to ignore my inner perfectionist and show up.
+
+Now comes the long and arduous task of working on it. Then again, maybe just one more self-help YouTube video...